If I had the power to change one thing, I would change me. Essentially that makes no sense because I’m the one thing I actually do have to power to change, and it’s also the most challening. I’ve been thinking lately, am I a product of my enviornment, or is my enviornment the product of what I’m putting into it? I’m in high school and I see the future of the world everyday in my classrooms, and in the hallways and on the weekends I spend with the same people. I see the future, the future is me but who am I and who are we? What do we want? I see this generation and I see such insight and charisma, however I see little motivation. We want to get things done. I want to get things done. I have realized in the last five days that I need to be the change that I wish to see in the world. I am the best place to start and I’m also the hardest to find.
     I stay up late. I sleep in really late. My family doesn’t understand that. They call it a “waste of a day”. What makes the day any more important than the night time that I’m utilizing. I use the time when my portion of the earth is sleeping to look at things on a greater scale. The commotion of the day doesn’t allow such quality of thought. Such a calamity is impossible to think in. Maybe that’s the reason I don’t get along with most adults. I feel like they think that what they know is absolute. Nothing is abolute. They want to be cautious and make me aware of the world around me, when I will always argue that there is so much earth left un discoered. Geologically speaking, yes it’s logical and factual to say we know most of what’s going on. But the people. Those are the key. There is so much left to know that I need to discover. I want to reach a level of self actualization that is unprecedented. I want to know and believe and I want that to drive me to discover.
     I’ve realized a lot in the past five days. I was thinking about the fact that five days ago I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Almost unrecognizably happy. Then in one instant the high I was feeling is just gone. I don’t let most losses keep me down, I’m just in the middle. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to settle for just feeling ok. Not when I know there’s such a better feeling there. I’d rather render my mediocre complacent feeling for a feeling of complete anguish, just to know that I wasn’t just ok. Not me, I don’t want to die leaving behind a life that was just ok. What’s wrong withe me? I’m aware that I’m strenuously over analytical, but it’ll get me some day. I’m sure of it.